Day 208: Before We Go (October, 3)

Oh, my heart. 

Looking at the Before We Go poster now, a big smile come to my face, a few tears on my eyes and my heart is fluttering all over this precious movie again. In such a short amount of time, it became one of my favorite films already.

What a experience it was. So many memories of times when that kind of soul meeting happened in my own life. We are always so glued to what we know and what we think is allowed in terms of human interaction that it is easy to forget that humanity is one. That others' struggles are our own, and that a stranger (if there's a persons that would be a total stranger after all) can be the only one to reach our soul in certain moments. 

And there I was, falling deeper in love with this story and characters at each passing scene. It is so beautiful, heartbreaking, endearing, real... my heart was beating fast the whole time, just like when we're truly in love. 

Chris Evans has been amazing me, and the funny thing is that I was with him in the last two Saturdays. On the day 201, he got my attention to how talented he is outside Captain American - I like him as the super hero, but he is something else in Snowpiercer and here, on the second consecutive Saturday with him, in Before We Go. I was even more amazed when, at the final credits, I saw he was the director here. 

Since the first scene at the train station (I love train stations), its pace, the music, the way the camera was wandering in that in-between place, I was sure that I would love this movie. I just didn't know that would be this much, actually. The two main characters are so real, especially Evans's, that falling in love was inevitable. A movie to keep cherished on my heart for sure (Don't squirm, it may sounds cheesy, but is true:).

And what I love here is that the overcoming is not so important at the end. Of course we have our own dreams concerning those two strangers that find themselves in each other in a big city in a sh*tty night for both. But it is not the fundamental feature here. The meeting is what really matters, and it is very precious. It reminded me a quote from one of my favorite authors, Lionel Shriver (if you have been reading the posts here, you already have heard about her), in her beautifully insightful book The Post-Birthday World (p. 155):

Usually one rues the fact that a desire has gone ungratified. Yet maybe the commodity more precious than its fulfill-ment was the desire itself. This kind of thinking was subversively un-American; the Western economy thrived off of the insistent, serial satisfaction of cravings. Still, perhaps the whole tumbling cycle of wanting and getting was wrongheaded. Desire was its own reward, and a rarer luxury than you’d think. You could sometimes buy what you wanted; you could never buy wanting it. While it might be possible to squelch a desire, to turn from it, the process didn’t seem to work in reverse; that is, you couldn’t make yourself yearn for something when you plain didn’t. It was the wanting that Irina wanted. She longed to long; she pined to pine.

And that's the point here I think. That such an encounter may happens is the gift, the reward on Shriver's words, and that a filmmaker is able to transcript how important it is through lovely characters and a exciting story is one of the cinema's more beautiful traits.

Joe, thank you again for one more gif <3

Before We Go. Directed by Chris Evans. With: Chris Evans, Alice Eve, Emma
Ftzpatrick. Writers: Ronald Bass et Al. from the original story by Bass and
Jen Smolka. USA, 2014, 95 min., Color (DVD).

PS: Music is for me an important storyteller in a film. I don't know why, I usually pay close attention to it in a movie. Or better, music always reaches me in a movie. It is not voluntary, but an essential part of what cinema is to me. It is the story, not only a complement to the images. It tells the story with the images. Some songs from movies are my favorite. And some of my favorite songs usually make a cameo on movies that became beloved to me. It was the case in here, with one of the most beautiful songs in the whole world for me, My Funny Valentine. I always cry and I hear it in Chet Baker's heartfelt interpretation, and I cried here too. So much that it was a part of a story that I assembled for my thesis with song's parts. They are not all my favorites in life, but from the moment that the idea came to me, to create a story with songs that bring many different narratives to its listeners, some of them (the most part coming from movies or TV shows) really started to build a clear image to me, a love story of course. And that's why a love  song letter became the attachment of my poor despised thesis. Is it your favorite song between one of them?

Before the letter, all the songs that are part of it, even those that the silence are made of. Enjoy <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jmf9UQ3YIs&list=PLMNkSxgRq1G0D2CWMVUAQoHI2hvs6FB3P

a love song letter.

And not a long time had has passed when, someday, a grey day it was, he woke up and the pain in his heart urged to go out somehow.

The pain so lively… the facts almost a history, though. A history full of shadowed feelings. It was all there in him… And, because of that, he woke up, made some coffee and took a seat in his chair by his desk… a place also full of memories. And why not create one more there, in words?

A last plea to have his love back, his heart back, his life back. And what if he could tell their love in a way that she could find a path back to him?

A letter. A love letter. A love song. A love letter song.

My love,

I wander lonely streets, behind where the old Thames does flow. And in every face I meet, reminds me of what I have run from. In every man, in every hand, in every kiss you understand that living is for other men. I've go to tell you my tale of how I loved and how I failed. I hope you understand, these feeling should not be in the man. I'm thinking about history, and I'm living for history. 

These days are gone, loud enough to hold on. I think about the time we wasted, I think about the years to come. It's getting late and I can't call, It's getting late to face it all. I think about the time we wasted, My loneliness has slowly grown. I told you not to cross the line. And leave me with your love for granted. The letters from your broken heart, I think I might have lost them somewhere.

I met you once before the first time. Cinema 1 or 2, I noticed you. Standing in line, your eyes met mine, and I could not look away. There we were, in a perfect moment, a perfect moment in time. For a moment you were mine. So later on I knew the first time that it would be alright for us that night. Trust in our eyes, we made a bridge of sighs, when we crossed over it was day. There we were, in a perfect moment, a perfect moment in time. For a moment you were mine…

…my funny valentine, sweet comic valentine, you make me smile with my heart. You're looks are laughable, unphotographable, yet you're my favorite work of art. Is your figure less than Greek, is your mouth a little weak, when you open It to speak, are you smart. Don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me, stay little valentine, stay. Each day is Valentine's Day.

Ok. Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you.

So, kiss me. Slip your little lips will split me. Split me away, your eye won't hit me. Yes, I love you, I mean, I'd love to get to know you. Sometimes I say the Stupid things I think. I mean, sometimes I think the stupidest things. And do you ever wonder how the boy feels? Kiss me. Flick your cigarette then kiss me. Flick your eyes at mine so briefly. Your leather jacket lies in sticky pools of Cider Blackberry. You glance and ricochet from every alpha male behind me. Eyes like bubbles on the waching machine. I wonder how the boy feels. I love you, I mean, I mean, I need to love.  And though your opened eyes stay bored upon the overflowing pipes above me. tonight I don't mind. 

Watch the sunrise, say your goodbyes, off we go. some conversation, no contemplation, hit the road. Car overheats, jump out of my seat, on the side of the highway, baby. Our road is long, your hold is strong, please don't ever let it go. I know I don't know you, but I want you so bad. Everyone has a secret, but can they keep it? Oh, no, they can't. Driving fat now, don't think I know how to go slow. Where you at now. I feel around, There you are.

So recollect me darling, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos four rotating hips

Hold on to me tightly, I'm a sliding scale. Can't endure then you can't inhale. Clearly
out of body experience interferes, and dreams of flying I fit nearly, surrounds me though I get lonely. Slowly Moving up, slowly… you are moving up slowly in my home, no chrome as clear as… See me now with my nearest dearest. Been there when I'm over careering. Room shifting is endearing, between us is our kitchen. Would you found my irritant's itching? Been here, before Been here forever.

I think I'm drowning, asphyxiated. I wanna break this spell that you've created. You're something beautiful, a contradiction. I wanna play the game, I want the friction. You will be the death of me. I won’t bury it, I won't let you bury it, I won't let you smother it, I won't let you murder it. Our time is running out, you can't push it underground. you can't stop it screaming out.I wanted freedom, bound and restricted. I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted. Now that you know I'm trapped, sense of elation, you'd never dream of breaking this fixation. You will squeeze the life out of me. You will suck the life out of me.

But I won't stand in your way, let your hatred grow.  And I won't hold you back let your anger rise and we'll fly, and we'll fall, and we'll burn no one will recall this is the last time I'll abandon you, and this is the last time I'll forget you. I wish I could look to the stars let hope burn in your eyes and we'll love and we'll hope and we'll die, all to no avail. I wish I could! This is the last time I'll abandon you and this is the last time I’ll forget you. I wish I could.

Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love all the time, and maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you. Baby, I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time, and hung me on a line. Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you. Baby, I'm a  man and maybe I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something that he doesn't understand. Baby, I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me. Baby won't you help me to understand? Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time. Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you. Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song. You right me when I'm wrong. Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you. 

And when I see you, I really see you upside down. But my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you around. If you feel discouraged, that there's a lack of color here. Please don't worry lover, it's really bursting at the seems, absorbing everything, the spectrum's a to z. this is fact not fiction, for the first time in years, and all the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone. I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home. But I know it's too late, I should have given you a reason to stay. 

(Silence. At this moment, he puts his pencil down, leans on the chair e looks outside the window tho the grey day. The worst is yet to come... He sighs deeply, takes the pencil and goes back to his painful remembering).

What if you could wish me away. What if you spoke those words today. I wonder if you'd miss me when I'm gone. It's come to this, release me, I'll leave before the dawn. But for tonight, I'll stay here with you. Yes, for tonight, I'll lay here with you. But when the sun hits your eyes, through your window, there'll be nothing you can do. I could've treated you better, better than this. Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter, can't stay in one place.

Get through this night, there are no second chances.This time I might ask the sea for answers. Always falling to the floor, softer than it was before.Dog boy - media whore, it's who the hell you take me for. Give up this fight, there are no second chances.These bonds are shackle free, wrapped in lust and lunacy.Tiny touch of jealousy, these bonds are shackle free.

But tell me now where was my faut in loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life.

The the bottom of the earth I had to fall, but you really caught me, you really caught me, dear. At the bottom where I'd fall. And slowly, dear, I ask if you would dance with me, here with the shades down, the lights off. When I didn't know hou, and everything I do, I do badly. Now I'll love you always, even when I say: you distract me. And sit out tonight in some strange place. If we have no friends here, well, I have hyou to begin with. To wake next to you in the morning., and good morning to you. How do you do, dear? Hey, good morning to you! And more covers for you. Sleel soundly, dear, cause I have to go. And I'll love you always. And then I'll leave this place, and drive back to Carolina, and down to Savannha and stay.  

And then, one day, another grey one… she answered the letter:

The sky is grey, the sand is grey, and the ocean is grey. I feel right at home in this stunning monochrome, alone in my way. I smoke and I drink and every time I blink I have a tiny dream. But as bad as I am I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem. What kind of paradise am I looking for? I've got everything I want and still I want more. Maybe some tiny shiny thing will wash up on the shore. You walk through my walls like a ghost on tv. You penetrate me and my little pink heart is on its little brown raft floating out to sea. And what can I say? But I'm wired this way and you're wired to me, and what can I do but wallow in you unintentionally? Regretfully, I guess I've got three simple things to say. Why me? Why this now? Why this way?

So pretty, so smart, such a waste of a young heart. What a pity, what a shame, what’s the matter with you, man? Don’t you see what’s wrong? Can’t you get it right? Out of mind and out of sight. I’m a satellite heart, lost in the dark. I’m spun out so far, you stop, I start. But I’ll be true to you. I hear you are living out of state, running in a whole new scene. You know I haven’t slept in weeks, you’re the only thing I see. No matter what you do, Yeah, I’ll be true to you.

I want to hold the hand inside you. I want to take a breath that's true. I look to you and I see nothing. I look to you to see the truth. You live your life. You go in shadows. You'll come apart and you'll go black. Some kind of night into your darkness colors your eyes with what's not there. Fade into you. I think it's strange you never knew. 

Lay your head where my heart used to be. Hold the earth above me, lay down in the green grass. Remember when you loved me. Come closer, don't be shy, stand beneath a rainy sky. The moon is over the rise. Think of me as a train goes by. Clear the thistles and brambles, Whistle 'Didn't He Ramble'. Now there's a bubble of me, and it's floating in thee. Stand in the shade of me, things are now made of me. The weather vane will say. It smells like rain today. God took the stars and he tossed them. Can't tell the birds from the blossoms. You'll never be free of me, He'll make a tree from me.

Rodrigo, in a really spook soul reading, made this perfect

label to the CD atached to the letter.

PPS: In Before We Go. A bit of a spoiler, if you don't mind: